Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
