Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
