the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
