I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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