Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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