Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
