i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
