Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
