i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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