Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
me + whiskey = a bad person
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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