It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
