So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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