i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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