i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
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