Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
