i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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