I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
That accounts for only three of the penises
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
