Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
