You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Randomize
