So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
