I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
