i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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