I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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