You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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