ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
