We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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