we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Randomize
