in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
