i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize