the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
