Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
My hand turned me down
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
