Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
