I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
areolas are like halos for boobs.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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