I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
