Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
