nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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