Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
