In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Randomize
