I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize