Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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