I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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