you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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