I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
