Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
