make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
