Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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