i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
And the cops told us we were all naked.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
