I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
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