im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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