Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
