I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
