I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
