There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I FOUND THE LEGS
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