All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
