So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
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