I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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