Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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