Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
