he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
