She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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