I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
