I just pynch a tree in the face
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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