Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
