Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
