You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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