I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
