I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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