youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
