What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
