three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
