there's paper in my vomit.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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