It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize