is your mom at the bar?
I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
