haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
