Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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