The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
one might say we're banned from that church
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
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I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
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You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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