She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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