It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
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