well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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