whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
