Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
